


Ice Queen

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Character Death, Cruelty, Flirting, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Teasing, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 17:56:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15124829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: “I was around. If you know how to see it, Tokyo’s even more beautiful.”“Alone?”“If I had gone with someone I wouldn’t have had the will nor the time to look around. I would've gotten back home and the only think I would've seen would've been the road in front of me. I hate that.”





	Ice Queen

Wintry mornings in Tokyo were the most beautiful thing in the world.

The feeble light of that time of year made those hours a grace conceded to the few who took time to walk down the streets.

Inoo Kei had woken up early, that morning. He had gone to Ueno to take a coffee; he was in no rush. It was Sunday morning, the 21st of December. Christmas was close and he was off from university, feeling as relaxed as ever. He was at his last year, and it didn’t matter how much other people told him how important it was. He didn’t want to lead that life anymore, he couldn’t wait for it to be over, and he had slowly surrendered to let those days go by, instead of living them. 

He spent his hours wandering through the city. He amused himself pretending he was a tourist. He let his car close to the sea, then he went toward the commercial areas, buying the most useless stuff.

Not that day. Last night Yabu had called, and they had set an appointment close to the park. Kei had felt torn from his blissed solitude.

He had never been normal, not for being twenty; and after all, ‘normal’ was a word he had often found illusory. No one had a right to establish what was normal, or at least that was what he had always thought.

He was beautiful. And he wasn’t overestimating himself, he didn’t even care about it too much, it was just other people who had never let him doubt that.

Lately, anyway, he didn’t feel like being with anybody, to create any bond; Kota had never accepted that. He was his friend and he wanted to see him, he wanted to be with him. He wanted to force himself behind that wall Kei had built around himself.

When he saw him walk toward him, though, he couldn’t help smiling.

He was tall, taller than him; his hair were dark just like his eyes, and he loved those a lot.

“Hi, Kei-chan.” he waved at him, with that closeness which would've bothered him from anyone else, but that he managed to appreciate in him.

He saw the way he looked at him. He was completely raptured, but Kei had always pretended he didn’t notice, and he had for both. Kota could go on dreaming, he could go on living.

“Good morning, Kota.” he replied, with the right amount of coldness which the elder ignored, hugging him.

“Don’t be stupid. We haven’t seen each other in a week. What have you been up to?” he asked. Kei shrugged.

“I was around. If you know how to see it, Tokyo’s even more beautiful.” he told him.

“Alone?” Yabu asked, puzzled.

“If I had gone with someone I wouldn’t have had the will nor the time to look around. I would've gotten back home and the only think I would've seen would've been the road in front of me. I hate that.”

Kota kept quiet for a few seconds.

“You’re weird, do you know that?”

The younger arched an eyebrow, annoyed.

“It’s not that I'm weird. It’s all of you who are _so_ shallow.” he explained, haughty. Kota couldn’t stay serious and burst out laughing.

“Fine, fine, whatever. But today you’re mine, aren't you?” he asked. Kei sighed.

“Of course I am. I'm here under threat, am I not?”

Yabu laughed again, without bothering answering, then they started walking.

He took his hand, and Inoo let him; there was no reason why he should’ve deprived him of that momentary joy, of that illusion. They walked for a long time, until Kei stopped in the middle of the sidewalk.

“I'm tired.” he stated, and Kota frowned.

“I guess that during your sightseeing you walk a lot more than this.” he pointed out.

“I told you, that’s a whole different thing. Don’t mind me during those days, because I'm hardly the same person. And if I'm not, I can be whomever I want. And I can do as I please, even decide I can walk for miles. Today you wanted me here, the real me, and the real me is tired now.”

Yabu sighed. He barely understood the other’s reasoning, but after all he was used to it, and he knew there was no point in contradicting him, nor great chances at winning. Anyway, it wasn’t in his intentions to irritate him. Not _that_ day.

“Fine. Can I buy you coffee then?” he asked.

Kei smiled and nodded.

They walked inside the coffee place feeling quite chilly, and Kei looked around straight away.

“Can you go get it for me? I’ll take a seat.” he asked and Yabu agreed, as usual.

He found an empty table, close to a couple of men who must’ve been in their thirties. Kei smiled while getting close, but as soon as he sat down his face turned to stone. He grabbed a cigarette, turning toward them.

“Do you happen to have a lighter?” he asked, keeping his cigarette between his lips. The man stared at him for a moment, then he smiled.

“Of course.” he told him, his breath heavy as if he had just finished running.

Kei took a hit, he thanked him with a smile and leant his back against the wall, looking around. Seeing nothing else of interest, he was glad when he saw Kota walk toward him with the coffees.

“Here.” he told him, handing him one and sitting in front of him.

“How much do I owe you?” Inoo asked, on purpose. Kota waved his hand.

“Nothing. I told you I was buying.”

Kei took another hit off the cigarette, smiling.

“You did.” he said.

The elder frowned, but didn’t comment .

They spent a while without speaking. They both looked absorbed, drinking their coffee.

In the end, Yabu decided to bring the subject to the reason why he had asked to see him.

“Kei... I need to talk to you.” he murmured. The other looked slightly bothered, but actually tried not to show it.

“About?” he asked, distracted.

Kota sighed. It wasn’t going to be easy.

“Us.”

And there Kei raised his eyes, a mocking look on his face.

“Us, Kota? Since when there’s such a thing?” he ironized.

Yabu pretended he hadn't heard his tone, determined to go on.

“Kei-chan... you know I care about you, don’t you?” he asked, and Kei nodded.

“Of course I do. You’ve been professing your affection for me since we’ve known each other.” he said, sourly.

“And you also know you’re beautiful.” Yabu whispered, and that wasn’t a question.

A sharp smile appeared on Kei’s face.

“You’re not the first one to say that.” he replied, sugared.

“Kei, what I'm trying to say is...” he went on, but the other interrupted him before he could finish.

“I know what you’re trying to say.” his voice was dry, all of a sudden. It sweetened though, less than a second later. “Want to go out tonight?” he asked.

Kota was floored by the sudden change of subject.

“Kei, I...” he tried, but the younger didn’t let him go on.

“Yes or no?”

Yabu gave up, aware of the fact that when Kei wanted something, he always managed to get it. And in that case, what he wanted was to prevent him from saying what he wanted to.

“Fine. What do you want to do?”

Inoo smiled, triumphantly.

“I want to go drink. I really need to relax a little.”

Kota nodded, vaguely more at ease.

Despite the failure of his attempt, he was hopeful. He took the fact that he had asked to see him that night as a good sign. And he would've had a chance to talk to him, to tell him what he had to, hoping he was going to let him, this time, that he would've given him a chance to get out of the ice prison Inoo Kei had always been for him.

Once they finished their coffees they left; air was colder, and Kei brought his arms around himself, while the elder didn’t even seem to notice.

“It’s almost lunchtime.” he told him. “Want to go eat something?”

Kei glared, as if he had gotten mad.

“We’ve spent the morning together. We’re going to see each other tonight. Don’t overdo it.” he scolded him, shutting him up.

They walked toward Inoo’s car and didn’t say much more until they had reached Kota’s place, in the suburbs. Kei stopped the car in front of the main door and turned to look at him, mocking.

“Want me to come pick you up tonight?” he asked.

“As usual.” Kota replied smiling, ignoring the hint at the fact that he still hadn't gotten his driver’s licence.

He leant over then, kissing his cheek. Kei kept still, looking annoyed.

“See you tonight.” he told him, getting out of the car. Before getting inside the building he turned to look at him and smiled.

And Kei smiled as well, satisfied.

 

~

 

It took him a while to get ready that night. He was aiming to perfection, yet somehow he wanted to go along with what he knew Yabu liked on him, so in the end he opted for a plain white shirt.

As if he could’ve done something to make the elder like him less, anyway.

He drove to his place, he texted him and then he got off the car, leaning against it with a studied pose.

As soon as he saw him, Yabu froze.

Kei smiled, devilish, looking at Kota getting tensed. The elder walked toward him slowly, until he was a few inches from him.

“You look beautiful.” he murmured.

“You said that already.” he replied, and got back inside the car, elusive.

“Where are we going?” Yabu asked.

“There’s a club I’ve been to a few times with my friends. It’s in Roppongi.”

“Yeah, I doubt I’ve ever been there.”

Kei smiled.

“It means I'm going to take you there for the first time.” he commented.

Once they reached the club Inoo parked his car and they got off. The air was particularly cold, but he felt warmed up by some sort of excitement that he couldn’t explain. He was fidgeting. He had a weird feeling about that night, as if something was bound to happen.

He turned toward Yabu, staring at him from head to toe.

“You look good dressed like that.” he told him, more out of slyness than kindness.

He wasn’t wearing anything particular, but the ensemble gave him some sort of elegance Kei had rarely seen on him.

“Thank you.” he replied, glowing. If he was trying to get good feelings from the younger, what he had said was definitely something.

Without saying anything else they walked inside, and Kota felt lost.

It was blinding. There was a bluish light inside, leaving room to imagination only. He wondered how Kei was manging to move with so much confidence in that hell of cold colours.

When they managed to seat, he smiled to him, anyway.

“Do you really like this place?” he asked, raising his voice to be heard over the volume of the music.

Inoo shrugged, then he nodded.

“Yes, it’s not bad. I have fun every time I come here.”

Kota started pondering, thinking about who he had come with and what might’ve happened, but his train of thoughts were interrupted by a waitress who reached their table.

He let Kei order, and hearing the words ‘vodka’ and ‘sake’ he sighed.

All in all, letting go a little could’ve helped, that night.

 

~

 

They had been there a few hours. Yabu didn’t know how many. And he also ignored the number of drinks he had had, Kei pushing him. He remembered the younger had drunk his fair share as well, but that he kept being lucid, as usual.

He looked for him, and when he managed to see him he also caught sight of a man close to him. He looked older, must’ve been thirty or something. He clenched his teeth, seeing Kei _too_ close to him, their lips almost touching.

Blinded by alcohol and anger he walked toward them, grabbing his wrist.

“Kota, let me go, you’re hurting me.” he yelled. The man next to him looked at Yabu as if he was an intruder.

“Is everything okay?” he asked, arching an eyebrow.

In the end, Inoo sighed.

“Don’t worry. He’s a friend of mine.” he glared at Yabu. “I’ll be right back.”

The two of them took the stairs, heading toward the terrace. Kei thought that the elder could’ve used some fresh air.

Once they arrived, he didn’t even look at him anymore and walked to the railing; he leant over, inebriated by the height and the coldness. Kota got closer and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Who was that?” he asked, his voice too loud. The younger noticed he slurred a little.

“You’re drunk, Kota. You’re not yourself. Why don’t you just let me be?” he told him, annoyed, getting no other result but to make him even madder.

“I may also be drunk, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want an answer to my question. Who was that?” he repeated, and Kei sighed.

“He was a man. And a cute one at that. And you’ve interrupted.”

His friends face became dangerously thin.

“Interrupted? From what?” he got away, scoffing. “You can't see it, can you Kei?” he screamed.

“Lower your voice, Kota. And what is it I don’t see?”

“What you do to people. How you get inside of them, how you dig inside of them. And what do you leave behind? Dust and nothing else. You’re beautiful, Kei, but it’s the most cruel and destroying beauty I've ever seen.” he yelled at him.

Kei smiled hearing that; it fitted him, no doubt about it. And he knew he should’ve stopped playing with him, but he was attracted like iron to a magnet. Those glances the elder stole from his body, from his face. From his soul, what little was there of it.

But he wasn’t going to bend. Not for him, not for anybody else.

He would've kept playing with those glances, with those contradictions he fed upon, with all the hatred he felt for Kota and all those people, the hatred he hid behind his smiles just to let them believe they were safe.

“So, what are you still doing here? Go away, if that’s what you want. If, as you say, I’ve destroyed you.” he smiled, shaking his head. “But you can’t, can you? I’m still keeping you here. You can't leave because you don’t to. It’s pointless for you to get mad at me when having me is all you could possibly desire.” he replied.

“What are you?” Kota hissed.

Kei smirked.

“I'm a human being.” he answered, already knowing the other wasn’t going to like that. And as a matter of fact Kota rushed toward him, pinning him against the railing.

“Human being, Kei? Since when?” he said, mere inches from his face. “You’re a machine. Your mind’s made of cogs and wheels, your eyes are empty. So that no one can read them, right?”

Kei, using all the strength he had, managed to push him off, swapping their positions.

“You stink of alcohol, Kota. I’d like you to put a stop to this farce.” he hissed.

Kota laughed. He pulled himself up on the railing, watching him from there.

“You think all people do is put up farces because you believe we’re as good actors as you.” he all but snarled. The younger saw him waver, but didn’t react.

“Get down, Yabu. It’s dangerous.”

Yabu leant down, watching him.

“So beautiful, Kei... yet so evil...” he whispered.

“You love this evilness Kota, never forget that.” he told him his voice full of hatred. Kota sat down for a moment, pressing his lips against Inoo’s, then he pulled away and went back standing.

“You’re sweet. I would've expected your lips to taste a tad more bitter.” he informed him, smiling.

Then he turned. Tokyo, from up there, looked beautiful. And, to think about it, a little cruel, just like Kei.

He looked at him again, his eyes sad.

“I love you, Kei.” he murmured.

Inoo never knew if he wanted to let himself fall. Right then, he mistepped and he was gone. A few moments later, a thump echoed in the air.

He closed his eyes, bothered by the bystanders’ screaming, then he looked.

Seeing that blood, spilt because of him, almost made him smile; but he didn’t linger on it, it was all but a pleasant view.

He was his friend. He was dead. He loved him.

Too many thoughts ran through his head, but one in particular stood out.

He was dead because of his love.

He went downstairs, then he headed toward the car. He had Kota’s eyes burnt in his mind, alongside his words, now echoing with his last breath.

He licked his lips, smiling again.

He could feel that bitterness Kota was looking for.

He watched himself in the rearview mirror, then he started the car. He left, feeling more beautiful, more cruel than he ever had in his whole life.

And he was never going to forget how good it felt, because to remind him of that there was now on the asphalt the blood stain from a man died only because he loved him.


End file.
